It's been a while, again. Right now, I don't know am I going to publish this post. It seems I don't know anything for sure because I have learned that what I know now might be totally reverse tomorrow. This year has been and will be "a giving up the rest" -year for me. I have been working only one day and gave up my so called business. I really don't know now what to do, so then it's better to do nothing and focus on being. It is everything but easy, you know when your mind is telling different stories all the time, like "you can do this, you can do that, you can do anything...". Yesterday I finally tried to plan a campaing which is related to stuff that didn't cause any conflict inside me. But, after taking a step towards action a conflict really arised with confusing thoughts and fight against my heart. Today, a while ago I started to edit my one-year-old e-book, which is about the power of change, the power of thoughts, organic nutrition, meditation and stuff. After a short while I also gave up that process. It also didn't feel good. There are so many things I am aware now that just don't feel good /right anymore. They are the same things I found most exuberant just a year ago. When reading this sentence from my e-book: "The best thing is that this state (of flow) is permanent" Huh! The flow really lasted quite a long, many months until I was kind of reactivated. I suddenly felt discomfort and stress. After living inside a flower I was coldly swept away.
Nobody including me doesn't want to be categorized or categorize anything like people's worldwievs, period of life, growth levels etc. When you start to see world with only people with different levels, it is just one attachment more to your head. It is really restricting. Maybe you just have to go through that too, I don't know. What has happened to me is that it is not enough to know intellectually like that "I am a post-modern person", or "I have already gone through it", but you really have to live it, enjoy it, develop yourself enough and save the world like a crazy, and "confess you like it and be it" or otherwise you are cheating yourself. You have to exceed it, or better word is transcend. After transcending you can include all the good things in that belief-system to your new worldwiev. The difference now is that your identity is not anymore dependent on them. You are free from the limitations in your mind. More and more - day by day. (I don't know how this chapter is related to this text but I don't know much more...)
No matter in which level you are living right now, what is sure, there are times you feel ok. There are times you feel good. There are times you feel fucking good. There are times you feel fucking bad and sometimes you get bored. The only advice I can give to you is that "do anything so long as it feels good" Feel the feeling inside of you - in your heart. You know the little voice, which usually disagrees totally with your mind. That is the real you. The more you listen to that voice the more you give up on your false believes and can act freely. If you are not sure about that little voice's existence, you can try to find it for exable with the help of my e-book; meditation etc.
It is anything but easy to your mind to get bored to things that attract mainstream. This happened to me first a few years ago when I tried to be interested of making business with people's so called needs. I (my mind) was really was totally stucked with beliefs that came outside and stress levels were high. The shift came when I started to listen to myself. Spend time in silence, meditate etc. And now in Finland we have this postmodern"cleansing" thing happening all around. I have so many opportunities to do anything I have been wanting the latest years. But I don't fuckin care anymore! I don't care to inspire people or to help people. I don't want to do business with this post-modern stuff. Anymore. Been there, done that - to be honest.
I don't have a clue what is coming after this wave but I am very hopeful. What I have experienced and what I have read I think the emptyness is "the thing" before the next shift. There is nothing to live for (of course you have the external frames better than ever but that hasn't been the thing for years), there's nothing to get excited for...You just have to be and that is the thing. Clear you head from any message which says you "have to" do something.
After travelling in India I realized again why we are so lucky in here. We have the opportunity to just be but at the same time we can get enough stimulation from the environment. The stimulation makes the stress that develops and evolves us. Some cultures have only the silence and some are in totally chaos (like in India's big citys) not knowing what "presence" means. We have the culture which enables us to grow our collective level of consciousness - not just the state which you can do for examble in the Ashrams. Consciousness is like a muscle. You have to train and stress it and then give it rest enough.
Anyway I decided I publish this text even though there are probably many typos. Being honest to yourself is the main thing in everything. Sometimes and usually it means giving up on something. Giving up hurts a little while, but soon after you feel more enlightened :) And enjoy anything that feels good right now!